Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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