And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
