TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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