Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
