Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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