Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
