new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
