let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
