mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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