if you like me you must not know who I am
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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