Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
