They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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