she looked like the before picture.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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