He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
