i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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