My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
