He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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