How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
