4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
