You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
