my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
