Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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