my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
