You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
