its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
