Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
