I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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