I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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