dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
