I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
