he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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