i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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