just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
