Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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