he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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