I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
