it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
