It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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