Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
