i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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