We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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