i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
