I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
