my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
