just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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