You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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