Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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