You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
