In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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