Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
