I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
