There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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