he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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