Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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