I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
