We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
