I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
