Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
