i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
