ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
