mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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