Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
