Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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