just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
