fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
