I'm sorry my penis didn't work
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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