Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
