Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just forgot I was standing up.
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